I feel very compelled to share something today. Depression is so difficult to deal with. One day you feel wonderful, the next day all you can do is get out of bed. It is a vicious cycle..... I know there are things I can do that will help me feel better...... but sometimes I just don't want to do them. I want to sit in a chair and watch Law and Order or Nip/Tuck and see the darkness in people.........the darkness in everyone else. Maybe it makes me feel like I am not alone in my own darkness. Misery loves company.
Excercising, eating healthy, getting out of the house, GETTING OUT OF MY HEAD..... these are all things that will help me feel better. But my darkness wants to shut anything good out....it wants to be alone and wallow in its pain. I feel like I can't breathe, the grief is pushing down on my chest like a huge heavy rock.
I look at my daughter, my sweet beautiful child. She is happiness incarnate. She loves everyone and everything. She doesn't have emotional pain, all she knows is happiness. And the relief I feel that she is being loved and cared for by parents who absolutely love her is overwhelming. I want to crawl from the darkness and share in her light. In her amazing light....her pure love.
I have to help myself, do the things that I need to do to heal, to release the weight that is pushing me down. I owe it to myself to heal, I owe it to Mike and Emma for they have given me nothing but love and happiness.
I have been through some very difficult experiences in my life, and I feel what I have learned could help others to heal themselves. It is a long road but it is worth it in the end. My daughter and husband are my life, and I want to be the best person I can be for me and for them.
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