I don't know what I would do without my husband. I have never felt so much love, support, and caring from anyone else. He is the absolute yin to my yang, he is practical, I am run by my emotions. He helps me to see the point of view I usually miss and need to see.... even if I resist him, which I usually do. I have struggled for years with drug and alcohol addiction, I have gone to rehab, I have gone to AA, but I could never really find peace with myself in this area until, well, yesterday. The one thing that finally made sense to me was him saying "It's ok for you to want it. It's ok to crave it. It's ok to feel whatever you are feeling. But you ulimately have the choice whether or not you are going to act on your feelings."
Although I understand completely the physical and physiological addiction to drugs and alcohol, I was never able to say that I had no power over them and actually feel that way. I gave all of my personal power to things and people, and I realized last night that. Even with food.... I would always just be like "Uh, I don't want to drink, or take pills, or eat all of this junk food that is bad for me..........but, oh, it is just gonna happen." Like there was some force or something that just decided for me. But now I realize I am in charge of all of these choices. It is not easy, but it is still my choice to act upon my feelings.
Just as a person chooses to hoard objects that clutter up their entire home, I have been choosing to hold on to my old patterns and not make the choice to change. It really is quite simple once you think about it.
I have been through some very difficult experiences in my life, and I feel what I have learned could help others to heal themselves. It is a long road but it is worth it in the end. My daughter and husband are my life, and I want to be the best person I can be for me and for them.
Oh, my Laura. We are sooo much alike. I'm so glad you started this. I am going through the same things. You know, I had been smoking since I was 13. I quit a year and a half ago. That makes me feel so powerful. Haven't had one. I have struggled in the past with alcohol. I am much better now that I've had my Allie, but there still times. And food, sheesh. Thank you for the inspirational words and empowering words. It is our choice to pick up that junk food or that drink. Love ya Laura!
ReplyDeleteOh Riley I love ya. You are such a sweetie. I am proud of you for quitting smoking! I quit about a year before I got prego with Emma. Also like you, my daughter has absolutely changed everything in my life. It is easier to just do whatever without thinking about the consequences, but you will never really grow as a person if you don't take control of you life.
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