I don't know what I would do without my husband. I have never felt so much love, support, and caring from anyone else. He is the absolute yin to my yang, he is practical, I am run by my emotions. He helps me to see the point of view I usually miss and need to see.... even if I resist him, which I usually do. I have struggled for years with drug and alcohol addiction, I have gone to rehab, I have gone to AA, but I could never really find peace with myself in this area until, well, yesterday. The one thing that finally made sense to me was him saying "It's ok for you to want it. It's ok to crave it. It's ok to feel whatever you are feeling. But you ulimately have the choice whether or not you are going to act on your feelings."
Although I understand completely the physical and physiological addiction to drugs and alcohol, I was never able to say that I had no power over them and actually feel that way. I gave all of my personal power to things and people, and I realized last night that. Even with food.... I would always just be like "Uh, I don't want to drink, or take pills, or eat all of this junk food that is bad for me..........but, oh, it is just gonna happen." Like there was some force or something that just decided for me. But now I realize I am in charge of all of these choices. It is not easy, but it is still my choice to act upon my feelings.
Just as a person chooses to hoard objects that clutter up their entire home, I have been choosing to hold on to my old patterns and not make the choice to change. It really is quite simple once you think about it.
I have been through some very difficult experiences in my life, and I feel what I have learned could help others to heal themselves. It is a long road but it is worth it in the end. My daughter and husband are my life, and I want to be the best person I can be for me and for them.
